Libraries: Frozen Books Do not Read Better

I love the rain. It's beautiful, rythmatic and soothing. It cleanses and lifts my spirit. It revitalizes the world and all who live in it. It's also cold and wet and I seem to have forgotten my coat. To make matters worse, I'm stuck in the library where appearenlty they keep the AC on some Kelvin setting. I assume they are scared the books will spontaniously combust under the emense body heat of the 12 people in here but I can't be sure. The person in charge of the thermostat may just be a sadist.

Clockwork Confusion

I fear that in another time, another life, I would have been a deist. I don't know why but the idea that God created the universe, set it in motion and then stepped back appeals to me. Maybe its the human desire to control my own destiny. Maybe it's just the clockwork analogy that comes with deism. I've always had a thing clockwork...

I'm sorry, I've probably confused you. Let me make something clear, I am not denouncing my faith... I've lost it a few times but I've always found it again. That's another story.

I'm reflecting on somethings we discussed in American History today. Fun class... I'm sure I had a similar one earlier in life but like most history classes, the further along you get the more sugar coating gets stripped away. I prefer bitter fact to sweet lies, regardless of how painful they can be.

Anyway, we were discussing Benjamin Franklin and some of his views on religion and how this was affected by his personal nature. The man was a logical thinker. He perceived with his senses and thought with his mind. What he saw was a world of laws, where if one could reason enough he might be able to explain any natural or social phenomenon. He also saw some of what he perceived as corruptions and alterations to the teachings of Jesus from within the Church.

I agree with his assessment and have on several occasions been engulfed by rage at the ignorant arrogance I witness every time I walk into a church building. Fortunately I am often reminded by either God or my own sense... perhaps a combination of both, that I am a fool and I am as guilty of hypocrisy as any man I condemn. Funny how you are often angered by the thing you yourself are guilty of. Proof of a conscience, I suppose.

What is Love?

I like to think of it as truth, honesty and selfish-selflessness. Yeah, you heard that last one right. I think that we give ourselves freely so that we may possibly in return gain something more valuable... something like another person's unquestionable adoration.

Perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps, I am just being persuaded by Francois De La Rochefoucauld and his maxims. Quite the thing to read, those. I need to work my way through the rest of them. Still, I think there must be some truth in this as people are selfish by nature.

How can this be? think about it, would we really do anything for the benifit of someone else if on some level the act didn't bring us something in return? To help those that can't help themselves, I personally feel pleasure in doing so. I act out of desire to feel good about helping others. Also, I know that God is pleased by such actions. I feel good knowing that my God is pleased and so I feel pleased. I act selfless in the interest of self interest.

I hope that I'm not becoming lost to the darker side of my perception of life.

Interesting thing about all this is that I got off the original train of thought I was actually following. See, I can see love right now. It's in this very room. It lingers... like a faint scent, clinging to anything that will give it hold.

I am by no means the professional authority on the subject of love... were I, I'd have no problem affording an education. I am however a very observant individual, though that has never really stood in the way of also being completely clueless. Still, I know that tonight, I have been witness to a real honest to goodness form of love. It was the sort of thing where two individuals were completely alone in the presence of others and yet had no need to touch. There was no obsession, no flame of lust. Just two people that were absolutely thrilled to be together... Laughs can be quite the telling thing if you ever bother to listen.

I'd like to say I'm envious, mostly because I am. But at the same time, I know it's not for me. Not yet at least. For now I'm content to live with my friends... my brothers and sisters. I love them, with all that I am and with all my heart. I will do anything for them and will not turn my back on them. They are my heart.

Big Band Beats in Rythym with my Heart

I have been coerced into writing a journal. This will be quite interesting... should I for once follow through on such an in devour. To be truthful, I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not. My first day I wrote... nearly a dozen pages of nothing. I spent a bit of time describing three of my greatest friend... talked about their relationships to me and to one another... and ranted on the horrible selfishness of some people in relation to two of those friends.

Well, now that I've started journaling... perhaps I'll start back with this blog on a regular basis. I've only had what, three false starts? It's about time I actually do something with this thing.

A Good Story...

... is something I am always searching for, and do occasionally find.

I don't care much for the form... though I guess novels are more my cup of tea. But really, short stories are great as well. Anyway, on to my first rant in like six months.

I hate it when people beat up books without actually reading the story first. There is nothing I can think of that festers in me more than the hate that I feel when some one does this. All I want to do is yell "@$#% YOU, YOU LAZY PREBIASED JERK"!!!

This of course is not an acceptable response for any occasion, especially in public and in mixed company. Still, it irks me to no great end that people do this. If you haven't bothered reading the story, getting a feel for the characters and really looked at the plot, you have no right to say anything negative about it.

On that note, I am a man and I may read whatever I so please. If you don't really like what I'm reading then you're welcome to tell me so and tell me why. If the book covers a topic you are not comfortable with or disagree with or even think is down right silly, that's your right. You don't have to read anything you don't want to. Personally, I really don't care. But please, never try and make me feel bad for deciding to read anything. Insulting me because of something I'm reading, is an easy way to get under my skin and that is something I really sugest you don't do.